I fell asleep at my desk and slept through my alarm that went off playing the West Wing theme song over and over and no one in the office woke me up because obviously.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever masturbated while staring into the eyes of your favorite cat, but it’s a real buzz kill.”

My friends decided that if I were a superhero I’d be called Pubescent Man.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a guy who can’t grow a beard!